Wednesday, June 14, 2017

13 Things All Females Talk About When They Come Together

It is a widely accepted fact that the female folk talk a lot more than their male counterparts. These are some of the things they talk about when they meet up.
 
In no space will greater truths be exposed, like that of group of females having a catch up.
 
When it comes to having a chat with mates, we talk about everything and anything.
 
It’s not all offensive stereotypes like clothes and the Kardashians, but actual gritty topics like period flows, work sabotages and of course a lot about sex, penises and our latest food obsessions.
 
So next time you see a group of females innocently chatting away, they’re probably talking about how to efficiently pluck nipple hair.
 
1. Period problems
 
This is always a hot topic, and it is guaranteed that at least one of the contributors will definitely be on her period at the time.
 
This will be discussed in graphic detail, and topics will range from the gross period poo, the amount of blood, followed by a fierce debate on the classic tampons vs. pads choice.
 
2. General vaginal topics
 
Any new smells, discharge types or itchiness will be immediately consulted with friends before going to a doctor.
 
3. S-E-X
 
We are obsessed with discussing this with our friends. Who is having it, who isn’t, who is having it with who, and who is having it the best.
 
Sex toys, positions, how to guides, basically nothing is off limits.
 
4. There will be comparisons
 
We won’t just be comparing sizes and sexual prowess, but we’ll even compare how much nostril hair you had vs. someone else, and also how clammy your hands were.
 
5. Lack of equality
 
Until we stop being cat called on the way to meet our friends by creepy men, we will always discuss how the world still isn’t equal, and how we’re sick of it.
 
6. Work stuff
 
The topic is more likely to be about how you suspect your co-worker of secretly stealing huge portions of your peanut butter out of the work fridge, as opposed to power dressing.
 
Your friends will rally round you, and a former air cadet in the group will show you how to set up a booby trap in the fridge.
 
7. Gross beauty stuff
 
It’s not all ridiculous make up vides from Instagram, it’s actually more realistic and gross beauty tips.
 
Like the best time to pluck any nipple hair, and how to push every single blackhead out of your nose.
 
Oh, and the best way to remove dead skin off your feet. Lovely.
 
8. The travel dream
 
You end up having such a good time that someone suggests leaving the worries of life behind for a few weeks and going on a trip across Asia.
 
It is all going swimmingly well, and you are looking at all of the excursions you want to do, and then you realise you only have 71p in your bank account. Oh.
 
9. Followed by a holiday plan
 
The travel dream isn’t about to happen, but someone is intent on a weekend break to Marbella aka Marbs.
 
This results in a group chat being set up, with one solo friend who is frantically sending details of flights and hotels. This is met with silence, and you end up going nowhere.
 
10. How to avoid unnecessary things
 
How to maximise sleep and avoid showering with dry shampoo.
 
How to avoid body hair removal with strategic ripped jeans.
 
How to cut your own fringe.
 
If there’s a shortcut for something, someone will know it.
 
11. Social media round up
 
Yes we stalk away, and yes we screen grab and save the best bits to show our mates.
 
Because of course we want to discuss what our next door neighbours ex-boyfriend is now up to.
 
12. Latest social calamity
 
Someone will have encountered some awkwardness and will slowly whisper it to the group as a way to purge their soul of embarrassment.
 
Like when your friend tried to colour her armpit hair a snazzy turquoise, but ended up staining her upper arm area, and it looked as though she had severe bruising.
 
13. Food
 
There is a ridiculous stereotype that all we talk about is dieting. So wrong.
 
We talk about food, all types of food. There will always be someone banging on about the benefits of fruit smoothies, which will be counteracted by some absolute legend explaining the best technique to efficiently eat two desserts in one sitting.
 
***



When News Breaks Out, We Break In. (The 2014 Bloggies Finalist)

No comments: