Fire on the Mountain (Latest Gossips from Camer)

Fai Cassian Ndi (Writtam-pen)

Effioh Vincent, Effioh Barbara: Both Dead for Love

Country people, permit me pass my warm and special greetings to all mothers, the world over. I can only borrow from Prince Nico Mbarga’s song “Sweet Mother” to say, Happy Mother’s Day to You All. In fact my profound message on this particular day goes to the would-be 276 Mothers who were abducted in Nigeria by Boko Haram. In fact mothers are just the best thing the world has offered to humanity. When we have a misfortune, the first exclamation is “weh my mami eehh!” This is just to say that mothers are precious. They deserve this day.

Nobody ever becomes left handed in old age. Do you hear me? I say, nobody becomes left handed in old age. I am sure those who followed me on Facebook should know why I am insisting on this statement. You know, young men and women nowadays are very funny. Some of them think that going to school is an achievement. I am inviting readers of Writtam-pen never to miss Ma Part de Verite an imagery communication that emanates from a-five episodes three travels to Fuh (Ndu Sub Division, Donga Mantung Division). At weekend, one educated young achiever told me he will offer me free lectures on the ethics in journalism. Journaliste competente et engager de mon etate? Just imagine? To him, I worship gombo and gombo is my religion. In our “intellectual war” I reminded him time and again that he is holding fire in his left hand and gas in the other, and that when it will generate into a spark, he will not be able to control. But he laughed and said it was a gombo threat. No kobo!! Mbinglo, they call him replied. But I kept reminding him that apart from the fire and gas in hand, he is also holding an infested can. And when the time came, I just headed the can for caterpillars, worms, snakes and other loathsome creatures to crawl. My local hero ran helter-scalter, deleting his posts. On bended knees, he pleaded and went incomatoes. Bob I had harked back said gombo is like numbers that never end and I know well that I can never get happiness by worshipping it. His problem is that I am an Awudu man! Country people, this incident reminded me of what my father told me. He said you can only know the rage of a lion when you step into his den to meet the unexpected.

My people, you know journalism has been reduced to a click on a computer, laptop, smart telephone, ipad etc. I do not know whether it is citizen journalism that has gone bananas? But I don’t hope so. If it is, then I have work to do. I am sure my project to train 25 citizen journalists in Nkambe will change the ways of “nwebum. Even my son who quite often breaks out news in the social media would always tell me, we are all journalists now! Necessity, they say is the mother of invention, but in journalism this dogma is not tenable. Journalism is about facts. I remember how my mother was very curious to know the job I have chosen, and when I told her journalism she could not understand. You know, for a woman who never sat on a bench to learn the Whiteman’s way, she could hardly understand. It took pains for me the dilute the information in “Limbum” my dialect for her to understand. After listening to me, she concluded “that your profession is a necessary evil”. To her I should have been a medical doctor so that I can take care of her or a teacher so that she would always enjoy free fire wood from pupils/students. This journalism massa!   

As part of activities marking World Press Freedom Day a week ago, North West journalists visited UNVDA rice production, packaging and storage facilities at Ndop under the coordination of Choves Loh and Rose Obah. At the UNVDA eco-farms I reminded my colleagues that whenever I come closer to nature I always think of changing my profession. I told them how my father who was a poor coffee farmer that could only managed 100 bags of coffee per year lived a more dignified life even when prices dropped drastically. He lived a better life than some of us writtam-pens and walka-talkam dem.  When I learnt that the Brazilian producing magnificent results in UNVDA Eco-farms had not gone to school, I reflected how my diploma in agro forestry and the training I had from TFF (Maryland) could move me back into action when I include what I acquired at SAILD tree nursery in Yaounde, IRAD Kismatari, IRAD Njombe etc where I benefited from the internal training program of 1999. I am sure some of you will be taken aback that besides being a writtam-pen; I am a professional tree grafter and an environmentalist. Do you know that in 2013, your writtam-pen won an International Grant/Award on the Intelligent Use of Water? Is that not much? So what is really this journalism, Motumo Eric of Chronicle asked me, pondering on the merits and demerits of a profession wherein even those who can not write a good sentence usually transform themselves to teachers? Today we meet these teachers everywhere, political meetings, social media, churches, schools, along the street, homes etc. Let me not bore you with the ups and downs of journalism which characterized the daily notes of a writtam-pen. Do not to miss (Ma Part de Verite-Five Episodes of My Three Travels to Fuh). You know if I do not blow my own trumpet as my dad told me, someone else will do it and very wrongly.

 This country, my people! Na wa, everyone for himself and God for us all. Do you know that Sepp Blatter, the boss of “Food-ball” FIFA was in Cameroon? I thought he will visit his former friend Iya, but I instead spotted him with Popol and Massa Jo, Chairman of the Normalization Committee of “FECAFOOD”. I have been hinted that Massa Jo doesn’t want to quit. Long live FECAFOOD. Massa Yo says old players of the national team have no say in foodball managment in this country. I hear there is heat in FECAFOOD. I hope you heard Sepp, he said Cameroon will be indomitable in Brazil, Is this man aware that we are 50th on FIFA classification?

Since Popol came back from his summits everyone has been expecting that he will knot his head yet nothing is happening. This is a man with a phobia for summits. I am sure he should be heading for Paris this week for another summit on the invitation of France’s Holand to strategize on how to find the girls abducted by Boko Haram. You know some foreign media have said that some of these girls were allegedly in Cameroon and Chad.  Government vuvuzela refuted the allegations. Popol is super human, even with the threats; he governs unperturbed. Boko Haram insurgents are threatening in the North and the Seleka, anti Balaka etc in the South yet Popol is very confident. Impossible n’est pas Cameroonaise, you must have heard of the explosive devices (bombs) caught at the Nsimalen Airport and Douala. Our security network is proofing it worth. Certainly those who thought they could use Cameroon as a transit for terrorist activities are hooked with the arrest of two at the Nsimalen and one who vamoosed after the device was confiscated. I hear Yaounde authorities are requesting that he should be trans-neared back to Camer here to face the music.

Popol is quite an unpredictable man. We should therefore not be surprise to see him behave like the lion man whom he is. Just jump from his thicket and take his victims unaware. To put it short, he is surely heading for a cabinet shakeup? Popol, is wonda man, have you heard that last week, Engo Desire, Etonde Ekotto were released from prison?

Now with the appointment of another Anglophone to head Chantier Naval, public opinion is questioning whether Zachs Forjindam too cannot benefit from Popol’s largess. Congrats, Forgwe Alfred Mbeng. He is the newly appointed General Manager of Chantier Naval. Could it be a poison gift when everyone expected Forgwe Alfred to be appointed as Director of Cabinet at PM’s office? For over seven years now, chantier naval has registered over 37 strikes; and over 5 different managers. 

Country people, have you heard that the Lebang Palace is fresh? Fontem Asaba was enthroned on Friday as the new ruler of the Lebang people. The 25 years bush faller was seated at weekend. When I saw him, I knew he will make a good ruler. I say bush faller in the sense that he has been abroad on studies not for green grass. Let no one misquote me.  I saw Lebang lobbyists holding sub meetings as His Majesty’s cabinet is expected soon.Foreke Dchang showed their ancestral lineage to the Leban people. It was hotspot for cultural exhibits. I hope my talkative friend and colleague of The Sun Newspaper will be appointed in His Majestic's cabinet as chief of the Lebialem people in Abakwa. Don't ask me why or why. The young must grow. Ha-ah!

Do Anglophones have a voice in Cameroon? I am sure you have been taken aback by the abruptness of this question. Let me repeat: do you think that Anglophones have a voice in this country? I ask this question because lawyers of the North West and South West functioning under the common law say they won’t accept the appointment of notaries. They staged a protest march and were received by Hon. Cavaye, Laurent Esso but rebuked by their own brother.  Yang continues to squander opportunities to speak or act on behalf of Anglophones.  

Country people, sometimes, one is better dead than alive under questionable circumstances. 
Mr Effioh Vincent and Effioh Barbara, have killed the spirit of marriage. In fact this couple that got married for the better or worst is the worst of the worst. Human being is weaked. I am referring here to the case of the Police Officer who shot the wife in Ngola and later used his own hands to kill himself. I have always asked myself whether some of these guys who have access to guns shouldn’t go through some sort of psychics’ transformation. Love is foolish. I say very foolish. Barbara Effioh was a worker with Credit Foncier while the husband was Police office.

My heart this weekend goes to the 276 would-be mothers who were adopted by suspected militants of Boko Haram. It is Mother’s Day today and mothers are really sweet and dear. On this special day, I salute my mother Mami Regina Muchop, my own very beautiful wife, Comfort (who is also a mother), my daughters (Cherry-lane, Ashley Leticia) who the mothers of tomorrow.

 

When News Breaks Out, We Break In. (The 2014 Bloggies Finalist)